LOUD SEX:

A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes,
he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

SEX IN THE DARK:

There was this couple that was married for 20 years,
and every time they made love the husband always
insisted on shutting off the lights.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid.
She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit. 
So one night, while they were in the middle of a romantic session, 
she turned on the lights. 
She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure device. 
She gets completely upset. "You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, 
"how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!

"The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, 
"I'll explain the toy... if you explain the kids."



QUIET SEX:

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right

out and asked his wife


during a recent love-making session, "How

come you never tell me


when you have an orgasm?"


She glanced at him casually and replied,

"You're never home!"





DECEPTIVE SEX:


A married man and his secretary were having

a torrid affair.


One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion,

so they rushed over


to her place where they spent the afternoon making

passionate love.


When they were finished, they fell asleep,

not waking until 8 o'clock.


They got dressed quickly.


Then the man told his secretary to take his shoes

outside and rub them on the lawn.


Bewildered, she did as he asked thinking him

pretty weird.


The man finally got home and his wife met him

at the door.

Upset, she asked where he'd been. The man replied,

"I cannot tell a lie.


My secretary and I are having an affair. Today

we left work early,


went to her place, spent the afternoon

making love, and then fell asleep.


That's why I'm late."





The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes

and yelled, "I can see


those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU

DAMN LIAR!


You've been playing golf again, haven't you?"





CONFOUNDED SEX:


A man was in a terrible accident, and his

"manhood" was mangled and torn from his body.


His doctor assured him that modern medicine

could give him back his manhood,


but that his insurance wouldn't cover the

surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.

The doctor said that the cost would be $3500

for "small," $6500 for "medium," and $14,000 for "large."


The man was sure he would want a medium

or large, but the doctor urged him to talk

it over with his wife before he made any decision.


The man called his wife on the phone and explained

their options.


The doctor came back into the room, and found

the man looking quite dejected.

"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked

the doctor.


The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".





Well how did you rate on the sex scale?